Go Marlins!

Well, after 2 games and numerous practices were rained out thanks to springtime in Illinois, Ian’s first baseball game starts in about 2:10:00 or so. There’s still plenty of time for Coach to call and say the field is still too wet, but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that the diamonds are in good enough shape. I talked to my mother-in-law this morning and she said that, in the league that my nephew Jacob plays in, they played the coach-pitch games in the grass, since we’re already behind two games as it is. So unless it opens up and pours in the next couple of hours (rain, rain, go away…), Ian and his fellow Florida Marlins are set to finally begin their season.

Wish him and his teammates luck, and Go Marlins!!!

(Hey, at least his team isn’t the Yankees!)

Finalmente está terminado… ¡qué lástima!

I just got home about 40 minutes ago from what is probably my last Spanish final exam. My “final final”, if you will.

But only if you will.

I feel like I’ve run a triathlon wearing wet jeans and lead shoes, carrying a beer keg on my head the whole time. I am friggin’ exhausted. That damn test totally wiped me out. I’m extremely confident that I majorly kicked its ass, but it got in several shots of its own before succumbing to me.

The awesome thing is that I don’t have any more Spanish classes. The crappy thing is that I don’t have any more Spanish classes.

See, I’m thrilled that I no longer have to drive all the way out to Lucky Larry’s tres veces a la semana, bother my mom with having to watch Adam while I’m in class (not that she minds, or she wouldn’t have agreed to do it, but that’s not the point), sit and memorize vocab for hours, fret over how little sense the subjunctive makes (even though it’s one of the keys to speaking Spanish properly), or agonize {usually for naught} over how shitty I am going to do on the exams.

But, en la otra mano, I really, REALLY enjoy it. I think Spanish is a beautiful language, I’ve had a blast learning it, I’ve had a fantastic professor, and, like it or not, this country is converting to bilingualism. Eventually, Spanish will officially become the second language of this country- mark my words. But that’s a whole other kettle of pescado for some other blog. Hmmmmmm…

Anyway, I know that if I don’t use it, I will eventually lose it. The only problem is that I don’t know anybody that speaks Spanish well enough so that I can converse with them, whether by email, by phone, or in person. I mean, I know OF some people that speak Spanish, either natively or they’ve learned it, but I don’t know them well enough to just arbitrarily start routinely shooting the mierda with them. I’m worried that I’ve basically just finished a two-year-long hobby, the skills of which I will forget in six months or less. And that sucks. Because I really, REALLY do enjoy speaking Spanish. Or as they say in Spain, “me like-o Spanish-o”. Or something close to that.

So… ¿hay alguien que hable español y quiera hablarlo conmigo?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Frye? Frye? Frye? Frye? Frye?

Aw, crapola…

Apparently I have an astronomical flatulence issue

Dinner conversation last night at our house:

Ian:  “I read that a star is a ball of exploding hot gas.  Kind of like Dad’s butt.”

I laughed so hard I farted.

Oops

Okay, so Dawn pointed out to me the other night that I have neglected to mention Ian’s first piano recital here. D’oh!

That Father of the Year award just keeps sailing farther and farther away.  Sighhhhh…

It was a week ago Sunday, on the 20th. Having never actually been to one, I wasn’t real sure what to expect, so I pretty much just figured that there would be 60 kids all playing one of the same 3 or 4 songs. Turned out, while there were naturally some repeats, there really weren’t any songs that got played over and over- at least to the extent that you’ve got an obnoxious earworm the rest of the day. I think there were only about maybe 4 kids that played the song Ian played, “18th Century Dance”. You had your “Alouette”s and your “On Top of Old Smokey”s and your “Ode to Joy”s, and then there were a few others mixed in that the titles of which kind of escape me now.

Anyway, it was a lot easier to endure than most of the horror stories I’ve heard about children’s music recitals. They had the kids separated into age groups of 12 and under and 13 and up. My niece Maggie was the 6th or 7th to play (she did lovely, thank you very much), and then Ian played his song about 4 or 5 kids later. Then my nephew Jacob was among the last of the 12-and-unders to play his song. He did very well also. Some of the 13-and-ups, I could not believe what I was hearing. There was a 14-year-old that played Beethoven’s “Für Elise” (a nice simple tune…NOT) quite beautifully. I was guessing the next kid after him had to be thinking, I ain’t following that!. I would have been.

I thought they did the whole thing well. The “emcee”, who is the organist at the church that hosted the recital, “interviewed” each kid briefly before they played- asked them their name, how long they’ve been taking lessons, things like that. The guy was pretty comical, actually. Then he had each one take a piece of paper and read, to the audience, these absolutely horrific jokes. Horrific even for kid-friendly, being-told-in-a-church jokes. Except I did have to chuckle- nay, even guffaw- at the joke Ian told:

What do you get when you cross Spongebob Squarepants with Albert Einstein?

(Answer appears in the comments section.)

Hey, there could be someone that hasn’t heard it- I don’t want to ruin it for them.

Anyway, I was extremely proud of how well Ian did. He wasn’t owning up to it, but he was extremely nervous. But he got up there and played like a champ. He did stumble a little bit, but recovered quickly and got through it. He even said after he got done playing that he “made a couple mistakes but tried to make it look like it was part of the song”. So evidently, he relaxed enough at some point. I’m quite glad- I’m afriad he’ll wind up like his old man always was- I used to get so worked up about screwing up a music performance (any music performance) that I usually wound up inadvertently willing myself to do so. But he conquered his little nervous demon, at least at this one recital, and I was extremely proud of him. He seems to have both Dawn’s and my love of music, but thank goodness he appears to possess Dawn’s ability. Me, I played several instruments and sucked at every one of them. I just have always really enjoyed music and, if nothing else, I hope I can transfer an appreciation of music to my kids, if not the desire.

The talent, they better rely upon Momma.

Anyway, great job Ian, great job Yakob, great job Maggs, and great job to all the kids (and adults too) that performed at the recital.

10 years today

With apologies to the Little River Band:

Happy anniversary baby
Got you on my mind

Okay, apologies to the Little River Band and to anyone that’s ever heard me sing.

Anyway, congratulate Dawn for putting up with my dumb ass for a decade.

Not the herding of cats that four-year-olds soccer is

So Ian had his first baseball practice last night.

He’s in a coach-pitch league, and his team is the Florida Marlins.  (Hey, at least it’s not the YankMe’s.)  I had a harder time with keeping quiet than I thought I would.  The coach had everyone take the field (most all of them congregated at, and fought over who got to stand on, second base) and threw BP to each kid.  Ian went to right, and realized almost instantaneously that right field sucks.  So while he was standing out there, I went out behind him to give him some pointers, as most well-intentioned dads do.  After about 15 minutes, I realized I was less giving pointers and more pissing him off (as most well-intentioned dads do)- basically, it was when he turned around and asked me, “are you going to stand back there during the whole practice?”- and so I went back to standing behind the bench with Dawn and waiting for the beer guy.

Friggin’ dude never came.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I discovered that Ian actually listened to me in that 15 minutes.  He had a couple balls hit to him occasionally, but on those that weren’t, he was hustling all over the field, backing up the throws to whichever base the kids were throwing.  Um, to.  Or something like that.  I was delighted!

I just have to remember that I’m not his coach.  I’m not trying to live out my unfulfilled sports fantasies through my son (I despise parents like that!!!), but I still want to try to give him what little advice I can.  Gimme a break; I’m his daddy.  If his coach asks me to, I’ll be happy to help with the kids, but I just have to remember to back off, shut up, and let Ian improve and make mistakes.

But I was very proud watching him.  He’s never played “organized” baseball- meaning he’s only played “pickup” games at school and what not- because he spent all of last summer in leg braces due to underdeveloped hammies.  In addition to the aforementioned backing up of throws, he got some pretty good cuts in when it was his turn to hit.  And he seemed to love it.  I thought at first that might be an issue when he said to me at one point while standing in right field, “nobody even knows I’m out here”.  But after it was over he just beamed and talked about how awesome the whole thing was.

He’s supposed to have practice tomorrow at the dog park, but the weather being what it is currently, I’m not sure if that will happen or not.

There is no better game in the world than baseball, folks, especially when played by kids.  As it was meant to be.

So’d ya feel it?

Around 4:38am or so this morning, we had an earthquake here in Central Illinois.  Apparently, it was centered in Salem, and was of a 5.2 magnitude.  It was kinda cool.  When we first noticed it, Dawn and I each thought the other was shaking the bed.  Then the dressers started rattling, and I’m like, “earthquake… nice”.  I was sure Ian would have gotten up and freaked out, but we heard nothing out of him until this morning when he asked, “did we have an earthquake?”

I’ve felt three earthquakes now- this one last night, the one we had roughly 20 years or so ago here, and then one in California when I was around 17 or so.  At no time was I ever close enough to the epicenter to be in any danger or feel any real wrath, but I’m quite fine with that, too.

From my limited (and far-from-real-danger) experiences, earthquakes are kinda cool, but I can’t say I’m ready for a stronger or a closer one.  Although, if we do have another, the least it could do is hit during daytime hours.  I couldn’t get back to sleep this morning.

I’m glad I’m not the only one

So I’m doing a Google (gee, that sounds dirty…) for just general dad things earlier today, when I stumble upon this.

You see, as you parents are well aware, your kids have their favorite shows.  Many of these shows are just brutally unwatchable for anyone over the age of about four.  However, on some of them, there are hotties that make the shows a little easier to suffer through- “for the sake of your kids’ learning”.

Yeah, I didn’t buy that either.

But the unavoidable truth is that there are some really fine looking women on children’s television.  As men, we notice that.  One really good thing is that at least all of the women on this list are legal.  Granted, some of them are not real, but they’re at least still “adults”.  At least whoever posted the list {hopefully} isn’t like the freaks that watch Hannah Montana on DVR late at night fondling themselves.  The day after I posted this post, it got close to 500 hits from (and probably generated a lot of disappointment for) pedophiles and/or horny 14-year-olds searching for “Hannah Montana naked” or “Miley Cyrus naked”.  And I continue to get hits from similarly disturbed individuals (and quite possibly some of the same ones) to this day.

Anyway, allow me to review and critique their choices of the Top 7 Babes in Children’s Television.

I have to agree that Genevieve Goings from the Choo Choo Soul vignettes (or mini-shows or videos or whatever those things are) between the “main” shows on Playhouse Disney is absolutely gor-juss!  Beautiful, great voice, and she speaks Spanish.  (Frequent visitors will likely recall my penchant for women that speak Spanish.)  Plus, her show is only about 4-5 minutes long, which makes it easy to watch.  And it’s something you can actually tolerate longer than 7 seconds.  Heck, it’s actually enjoyable.  I find myself wandering around the compound here singing “Bullet Train” and “All Aboard the Choo Choo Train” all the time.  On the downside, her show is only about 4-5 minutes long.

However, on the flip side of enjoyable comes the show on which you’ll find the list’s number two kids’ show hottie, Lisa Lennox, the girl from the insanely, obnoxiously annoying The Doodlebops (also on Disney Channel).  I can’t stand The Doodlebops.  I know, I know, it’s for kids, kids love it, blah blah blah, but holy crap is it irritating.  However, Lisa has a very good singing voice (though the vibrato in her voice does get a little over the top at times), and there are worse shows.  Not many, but there are.

I always forget that we even have the PBS Sprout channel somewhere on the list of 739 crappy channels we receive (of which we only watch about six), so I’ve never seen this Michelle Lepe mujer (another Latina…).  I did see the YouTube video of the woman Michelle replaced- Melanie Martinez, I think was her name- and if that is indeed her (and I’m not completely convinced it is) I can kinda see why PBS fired her.  I’m a firm believer in not letting your kids watch their TV heroes in not-for-children roles (i.e. when everyone got bent out of shape when Steve from Blue’s Clues appeared on Law & Order as a junkie or whatever it was), but that’s a little much.  Again, if it was really her.  Anyway, I- um, I mean, my kids- may have to watch PBS Sprout’s Good Night Show a little more often.

And regarding Alison Bartlett O’Reilly, the “vet” from Sesame Street, I’ve never seen her because I don’t usually watch Sesame Street with the kids, because it’s nothing even resembling what I watched when I was a kid.  I realize things change with the times, but it’s disturbing seeing Muppets rap and dance hip-hop.  I still think of the old school Street when Stevie Wonder sang “Superstition”.  And it ROCKED, even to the little kid that I was.  Now it’s nothing more than 35 minutes of lame, 21st-century-ized ripoffs imitations of the things they used to show on the Street back in the day, and then it turns into 20 minutes of The Elmo Show.  I really despise Elmo.  I used to like him, if for no other reason than because he’s a Muppet, but I can’t take him anymore.  That’s partially due to all the friggin’ singing and dancing Elmo toys my relatives and in-laws have given my kids over the years.  Elmo’s right up there with Barney on the list of all-time most irritating super mega evil kids’ show characters and corresponding theme songs.  But I digress…

Personally, I always liked Maria (Sonia Manzano) and Linda (Linda Bove) from the old Street.  But that’s just me. Heck, Maria’s still a resident of Sesame Street, and nearly 40 years later is pushing 60 and STILL smokin’ hot.  And she’s Latina… and sings…

As for Laurie Berkner, she sort of falls into the moderately obnoxious category in my book.  Dawn loves her songs, and Ian liked listening to them a couple years back, as I’m sure Adam likely will, but she doesn’t really do much for me.  Apparently, as some commenters on the list’s blog pointed out, she seems to be a… um… healthy… woman and I guess she jumps around a lot when she sings, thus making her enjoyable for the dads out there in TV land.  Haven’t seen enough of her on TV to know that little tidbit firsthand… anyway, I do like her voice; I just can’t endure her songs as long as Dawn can.

However, I do kinda have to give a Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot (”WTF?!”) label to the list’s choices of Wendy from Bob the Builder and Kim Possible.  Not even taking into account the fact that they’re calling cartoon characters “hot” in the first place, the least they could have done is to have chosen actually “hot” cartoon characters, like Jessica Rabbit, Betty Cooper from The Archies, or Daphne from the old-school Scooby Doo cartoons (from the late 60’s-early 70’s).  Oh, and of course, Ann-Margrock from The Flintstones.  I mean, jeeez.  But again, I digress.

I’d like to add a couple of my own kids’ show hotties, if I may.  No sense in keeping this post from becoming completely weird, now is there?  Actually, to be fair, the ones I’m adding are more “tweener” show hotties than kids’ show hotties, but that’s pretty much splitting hairs at this point.

Alyson Michalka.  Get off my back, folks- she’s legal.  She was cute as a button on Disney’s Phil of the Future, and I find it hot that she’s a pop singer.  And even hotter that she’s legal.  Gotta love a girl that plays guitar and sings.  Oh, and she’s legal.

Tia and Tamera Mowry.  Yeah, they’ve pretty much only ever played twin sisters- not a big stretch for twin sisters- but they are damn cute.  And they’re damn legal.  Hell, they’re practically geriatric, in Disney star terms:  they’re turning 30 this year.  I don’t know if they sing or speak Spanish, but they’re cute.  And legal.

Maria Canals-Barrera.  She plays Theresa, the mom on Disney’s Wizards of Waverly Place.  Haven’t seen her in anything prior.  Doesn’t matter.  Mega, MEGA {Latina} hottie.

Kim Rhodes.  Plays Carey, Zack and Cody’s mom on… wait for it… The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.  Can you tell we have the Disney Channel on a LOT in my house!?  Anyhooze, another great singer, great dancer, and great hottie.  And for what it’s worth, I actually have seen her somewhere besides Suite Life.  I saw her on one of the C.S.I. episodes in which she appeared.  Again, for what it’s worth.  Which probably isn’t much.

I’m sure I have probably forgotten some- maybe I can do a Top Kids’ Show Hotties II list sometime.  Besides, I could have gone on forever, and brought up all-time kids’ show hotties (and there have been more than you’d think), but I didn’t want to let this post get TOO long.

Ooooh, gotta go.  Wizards of Waverly Place and Suite Life are coming on shortly.

I’ll go again, and I don’t even like root beer

Last week, we decided to take a family trip, since Dawn was on vacation and Ian was on spring break. We fired up the newly acquired Garmin nüvi260 and headed for one of my (easily) Top 3 favorite U.S. cities ever, St. Louis.

Now, I’m not really going to get into too much detail about our trip, since my brother and his family took a nearly identical trip just a couple weeks ago and recounted their adventures here, and also here. Suffice it to say, we went to the City Museum as well (ahhh, but did YOU guys pet the stingrays?! That was worth the price of admission, as far as I was concerned), we went up in the Arch as well, and I’m not sure if they went to the Zoo or not, but we did. Zoo members and all.

I’m not attempting to try to “one-up” his family’s trip at all. I just wanted to mention a place we went that I feel was worth mentioning: Fitz’s American Grill & Bottling Works.

This is somewhere Dawn has been wanting to go for a while now.  I’d always been quite indifferent about going, simply because I don’t like root beer, and that’s the big hook about this place:  they make and bottle their own root beer and have been doing so for decades.  They just happened to be bottling the day we were there (they don’t do it every day, apparently), so it was cool that Ian got to at least see how root beer is bottled, if not really learn about it.  They have tours available; maybe we’ll have to do that next time.

At any rate, Fitz’s Root Beer was created in 1947 and its formula remains “a closely guarded secret” today.  The food was pretty darned good- I recommend the Breakfast Burger- and their handmade milkshakes rival anyone’s around here. (Though I still think the Orange Freeze is the gold standard among milkshakes until someone can knock it off its perch.)  And the root beer actually was more than merely tolerable.  I told Dawn that she saw me drink more root beer that day (4 mugs) than she’s seen me drink in the 12 years we’ve been together.  Then I got to thinking about it; I’m pretty confident that that was more root beer than I’d drunk in my entire 40 years prior to that day.  But it was pretty good, and I’m glad we went now.

Plus, the place is located in the Delmar Loop area of the suburb of University City, placing it right in the center of St. Louis’s Walk of Fame, which pays homage to St. Louis natives and/or sports, entertainment, and cultural dignitaries such as Kevin Kline, Ike & Tina Turner, Vincent Price, Joe Garagiola, Bob Costas, Charles Lindbergh, Maya Angelou, Mary Englebreit, and the late great John Francis Buck.  We didn’t really go too far along the walk, since the boys (and us too) were exhausted after a big day at the zoo, but we did happen to see Scott Joplin’s star.  That was kinda cool for a music geek like myself, as was the fact that Fitz’s is just down the street from the world-famous blues club Blueberry Hill.  Supposedly, rock legend (and St. Louis native) Chuck Berry still plays there once a month or so.

This is why St. Louis is one of my favorite cities (not that I’ve really been to that many, though).  There is so much to do, so much hidden away that you have to look for, that a month spent in St. Louis will likely not be enough time to take in everything you want to see, do, and experience.

And eat!

Old enough to put in his time for The (old) Man

Several days ago, Ian announced to Dawn that he wants either a Game Boy or a Nintendo DS.

When asked how he expected to pay for it, he didn’t really answer, but rather him-hawed around saying he just figured we’d buy it for him. Then, upon realizing that wasn’t really going anywhere, he regrouped and suggested that it could be a birthday or Christmas present. Dawn basically decided it was time to implement the rite of passage for kids known as The Allowance.

Ian’s seven, so I am not completely averse to working on teaching him the value of money, the importance of working for and saving for what you want, and the importance of responsibility in general.

I’m just not completely sure he’s ready.

After Dawn and I discussed it for a while, we finally summoned him and explained to him about allowances and chores and how the whole process works. He was rather taken aback at first when we told him that, in order to receive his allowance, he’s got to perform certain tasks (clearing the table after meals, making sure Blue has food and water, making his bed, cleaning his room weekly, etc.) to our satisfaction and without our having to remind him 27 times until we’re practically screaming at him, or else he’d lose it for the week. Dawn explained to him that we are very well within our “parental rights” to make him do those things and not pay him at all, because he’s a member of the family and he’s expected to help out.

He didn’t like that option.

Then, when we explained that he will also have opportunities to earn extra money by doing extra things, especially if he just does them without being asked, he kind of perked up a little more. So Dawn asked him how much he felt he should get for an allowance, to which he answered, “I don’t know, $50?”.

I about swallowed my tonsils.

Finally, after discussing it with a few people whose kids have gone through this already, Dawn suggested we start with $3.50/week (i.e., 50 cents a day) with the understanding that 10% goes to the church, and 10% goes to savings, and then he can decide how he wants to dole out the rest, whether he wants to spend it as it comes in (with the understanding that once it’s gone, it’s gone until the next week), or spend some and save some, or just save all of it for a Nintendo DS or whatever gadgetry or trinket he can’t live without at that particular time.

We told him that, as things go along, and contingent on how well he holds up his end of the deal, his allowance could increase. We’re also considering that if he gets half the money for a Nintendo DS saved up, we might pop for the other half. But again, that’ll be dependent on him.

So are we ruthless tyrant cheapskate parents, does he have us wrapped around his finger, or is this deal somewhere in the middle, i.e. relatively “fair” for a seven-year-old? I’m curious as to what other parents think. I realize it’s not really right to compare allowances to seven-year-olds nowadays to that from when I was that age. I about pooped when I found out what babysitters command these days. But by the same token I don’t necessarily feel right about giving him boatloads of cash simply because “the times have changed”. Kids are spoiled enough and full of enough entitlement these days. If he earns more, I have no problem with paying him more, but I also want him to understand that he has to earn a good chunk of change before he can expect to be paid a good chunk of change.

The job I consider to be my first “real” job (i.e. outside of the fast-food and/or mall rat jungle) was as a pharmacy technician at St. John’s. Who did I work with quite regularly? My father. No pressure there. He was never my supervisor, but it definitely had its awkward moments. However, without the slightest hesitation, I credit him with gradually, silently teaching me that you are worth what you give to them, not the other way around. It’s easy to simply do the least amount necessary and just put your time in and rack up 20 years on the job, but if you’re going to go anywhere in life, you have to understand that by taking the job you are essentially giving your time to your employer, and they dictate to you how you do your job. (Unless you’re in a union, and that’s a while other issue. Don’t get me started.) Do it well and you will be rewarded accordingly. Do a crappy job and you will also be rewarded accordingly. I have busted my ass- sometimes, admittedly, to no avail- at the three jobs I have had since but looking back, I am quite satisfied with myself and, more importantly, I sleep very well at night. Figuratively, anyway. I haven’t slept “well” in years. The point is, I’m glad my dad was there to make me understand that, and to kick my ass when I needed it. Which I did at times.

Thank you, Dad. I mean that.

Anyway, I realize Ian’s only seven, but I hope to try to at least begin to instill in him the same work ethic that my father did in me. I realize we’re now in the Age of Entitlement And Something For Nothing, but as prehistoric as this is, I still believe that hard work ultimately gets you farther than does being a slacker and then screaming “grievance” every time you don’t get that to which you feel you’re entitled. Not to mention, it makes you a better person.

So again, are we being too hard on Ian, too soft on him, or somewhere in between?

Birthday recap

So Adam’s 3rd birthday was the other day. I think it was a success. He got a bunch of presents, including the Little Einsteins Rocket, some spring-summer clothes, a Fisher-Price RC Jeep, the movie “Finding Nemo”, some Nerf mini-balls, a Spongebob Smudgepants playground ball, and this so-ugly-it’s-cute little monster bowling set.

Of course, there was someone there who felt they had to be a smart ass…

I mean, the shirt is ridiculous. I know for a FACT that I’m not in charge. In a household of four people, I’m realistically probably 7th in line of “who’s in charge”. I just don’t feel the need to advertise it, that’s all.

The big finale for the presents round was when Dawn brought up our “big” gift to him.

It was too cool- she put it on the floor and when he turned around and saw it, he said, “sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!!“. I about cracked up. But I think the tricycle was a big hit. He’s been riding it all over the house since Sunday, and now that the weather is starting to {at least temporarily} warm up a tad, we can go outside and I can maybe lower my cabin fever a little.

Anyway, we had cake and ice cream, the kids drank soda, some of us had beer, some of us had wine, some had foo-foo rum drinks, and it was a good time.

(Thanks to my dad for the pictures.)

I fwee

That’s the response I got from Adam when I asked him how old he is today.

Today is his 3rd birthday.   We’re just having a cake and ice cream get-together this evening with Dawn’s family and my family; no real big whoop-tee-do.  We finally got him a copy of “Finding Nemo” on DVD, since he’s been screaming about wanting to watch Nemo for months.  The biggie, though, was the Schwinn tricycle we got for him.  This thing is friggin’ awesome.

Hopefully I’ll have some pictures of the festivities to be able to post later.  We have actually 3 digital cameras (hey, two of them we won) and none of them seem to be willing to dump pictures into the computer properly.  But I’ll figure something out.

The Cheese has officially been cut

I opened up the morning paper today and when I got to the sports section, I was kicked in the head.

Brett Favre is apparently officially calling it quits.

I’m not a Packers fan- I’m really not a “fan” of any team. I have favorite players, but I’ve never lived nor died by any one particular team. I like Peyton Manning and my fantasy football stud Joseph Addai, but I’m not particularly a Colts fan. I always liked Walter Payton, but not the Bears. I liked John Elway, but not the Broncos. I liked Dan Marino, but not the Dolphins. I liked Terry Bradshaw but not the Steelers. I liked Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, but not the 49ers. (Well, okay, I liked the Niners a little, but not THAT much.)

I think you get my point.

Whether you like the Packers or not, this is a sad day for football. Brett Favre is a class act all the way. Yeah, he’s got a little bit of a swagger to him, but I think part of that comes from being a quarterback in the NFL. He’s not one of these “I’m above the game” kinds of jag-offs like several wide receivers and running backs out there are. (ahem *TerrellOwens-RandyMoss-ChadJohnson-ClintonPortis* ahem)

Favre never had any major “scandals” attached to him. True, there was the little squabble regarding Javon Walker a couple years back, and then the “will he or won’t he” stringalong job last off-season, but compared to the drugs, weapons, dog-fighting, domestic and/or sexual assault, murder, and other charges most of his cohorts wind up with, Favre’s a freakin’ choirboy. He played in about a bazillion games in a row, even while injured. He holds virtually every major QB record in football. He will be, at least in my opinion, a unanimous first-ballot HoF’er.

I’m sure all the Vikings, Bears, and Lions fans out there are probably ecstatic over knowing that now the NFC North is legitimately up for grabs. Provided, of course, the Bears get themselves a real quarterback… but even so, even fans of the Packers’ twice-yearly competition should take a moment and recognize what Favre meant to his team, to the division, and to the NFL in general.

I will treasure my green #4 jersey all that much more now.

My hands are still friggin’ shaking

So I’m upstairs sitting at the computer checking the email and looking to see all the people who haven’t come to read my blogs today. The boys are downstairs- Adam’s watching “Monsters, Inc.” yet again, and Ian’s getting ready to do his homework. He just “needed to poop and get something to drink”.

All right, perhaps that was TMI. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I’m up here reading Nick’s blog when, all of a sudden, I hear the very loud sound of glass breaking and an instantaneous blood-curdling scream. First thought I had was that Adam impaled himself in the television screen. If you know Adam, you know that’s not out of the realm of plausibility. I run down the stairs literally four at a time- a major, major feat in dexterity for me, considering I can fall (and have fallen) up the stairs- and hit the living room. Adam’s fine; just sitting there, mouth agape, transfixed upon Sulley and Mike Wazowski trying to rid themselves of Boo. I’m wondering if he even heard the glass break.

Second thought I had was that Ian was standing on a chair and fell through the kitchen window. As before, if you know Ian, you know that’s not out of the realm of plausibility either. So I head to the kitchen table where he was supposed to be doing his homework- not there. I look in the kitchen and there he is standing in his socks in a pool of milk and broken glass, with a look of utter desperation on his tear-soaked face.

We get our milk from Oberweis in glass bottles (it stays cold longer and tastes a HELL of a lot better than milk in the plastic jugs). He was getting a glass of milk, and the bottle simply slipped out of his hands. So I yank him out of the glass-sprinkled milk and start inspecting fingers and toes for cuts. None- you’re kidding me!! YES!!!! No trip to Prompt Care!! But he’s bawling- not because he is cut or hurt or even simply scared by the noise, but rather because he “wasted all that milk”. I just smiled and comforted him and told him that as long as he’s okay, I don’t give a hoot about the milk.

Here I’m wondering how many tendons have been sliced and he’s concerned about wasting milk. Kids- never cease to surprise.

So I cleaned up the glass, toweled up the milk, and mopped the floor (yes, ladies, some men actually mop), and with any luck, Momma will never know. (Yes, ladies, I will tell her. Give me a little friggin’ credit.)

I tell you what, though- hearing the breaking glass and Ian’s scream scared the holy hell out of me. That ain’t the kind of adrenaline rush I need. My 40-year-old heart can’t take stuff like that.

Now I think I need to poop.

Various germs and Greek myths

Well, let’s caught up on the cootie patrol in our house.

Ian just finished up Day 10 of antibiotics for a sinus infection. Adam has been having the kind of gurgly snot sinus thing going on for a few days. Dawn finally broke down and went to the doctor last night… turns out she has influenza and the start of an ear infection. Eeeeewwwww!! What I have been told since childhood is apparently confirmed: girls DO have cooties. I knew she felt crappy when she spent a good portion of Sunday in bed. That’s not like her at all. She’s one of those “there’s daylight a-wastin’, gotta be doing something productive at all times” kinds of people. Drives me nuts some days.

As for me, I’m getting over a self-diagnosed and self-treated sinus infection. Nyquil… yummy. I know it’s a sinus infection because I’ve had four in the last couple years. It just feels like a sinus infection. Went to the doctor twice, but I haven’t really gotten better any “faster” with antibiotics than when I just self-medicate with Nyquil and pseudoephedrine. And maybe a frothy yellow beverage or twelve to help “ease the pain”. Might not help but it can’t hurt. I think I’m pulling out of it anyway. At this point it’d be a waste of money and about 3 hours to go to Prompt Care. Even more so than usual. Besides, doctors are for sick people.

My big problem right now, however, is that my left heel has been posi-lutely killing me for almost a day now. I have no idea what I’ve done, but I could barely friggin’ walk when I got up this morning. I imagine it’s just something that will get better with time, or if I would exercise, or whatever. Holy shit, it hurts, though. I’ve never had an Achilles problem, so I don’t know what that feels like, but if I did do something to my Achilles tendon, then the myth makes so much more sense to me now.

I still have a sore groin muscle due to 5 games of bowling on Saturday (and because I’m out of shape). I have a bad left knee that has already been scoped once and will need at least scoped again fairly soon- if not eventual major reconstruction- seeing as how it usually hurts like a motherf the dickens most days. I have some disk issues since, because I’ve limped for so many years due to my knee, my pelvis is out of alignment and that’s compressing a couple disks in my spine. Now I’ve got this heel thing.

Good thing I’m not a friggin’ horse.