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He started it!… nuuhnt-uhhhhhhh!!!

December 24, 2007

Today is Christmas Eve.

So far this morning, we’ve had fingers smashed in the piano keyboard lid thingie (what the hell is that thing called, anyway?), we’ve had Harold the Helicopter heinously heisted, and we’ve had a couple sets of as yet unexplained crocodile tears. Dawn rolled her ankle, and I’ve got shooting pains in my back right now that make me want to soil myself and cry.

Not a good start to the final 24 hours before the big fat man gets here. (That’s Santa, not me, smart ass.) Ian’s watching the daily 24-hour Spongeboobs Smudgepants marathon that Nickelodeon seem to show every day (the Porous One seems to be on “Nick” every moment of the day, but then again, I guess that, especially now, they need something to fill the Zoey 101 timeslot while they search for a new lead actress that isn’t a 16-year-old slut, thanks to her role model- her own 26 year old white-trash drug-bag slut sister… but I digress), and Adam’s “watching” whatever drivel the Disney Channel is currently purveying. Although, now it sounds like a “Blue’s Clues” video has just been inserted into the VCR. That’s at least a step up from most kids’ shows. Or maybe I should say, most of the shows I catch my kids watching.

Spongeboobs isn’t too horrible, I suppose. Actually, I find it somewhat comical and guess that probably at least 40% of it is above many kids’ heads. I don’t know that it necessarily earns the HUGE popularity it seems to possess, but then I never understood the popularity of Will Ferrell, either. As far as Disney Channel shows go, I think I like “Handy Manny” far and away better than most anything else they show. The Doodlebops make the Wiggles look like a rugby team. I appreciate the fact that “Little Einsteins” tries to bring an appreciation of classical music to kids, but holy CRAP are they hard to sit through. “Charlie and Lola” seems to be teaching my kids nothing more than how to speak in profoundly annoying British accents. If I hear “Alleooo, Seezooos” (as in “Hello, Sizzles”… Sizzles is one of the characters’ pet dachshund) one more freakin’ time… I guess that’s my payback for similarly annoying the shit out of my parents for… well, coming up on 40 years next month, eh Mom & Dad? Yeah, we all remember my Fernando stage… *sigh*… I haven’t done too well this first 10 days or so of my stay-at-home-dadness, but I’m just going to have to start doing a better job of pissing the kids off and just turning off the TV and making them read or play or something. I can’t believe I have to practically order my kids to go play.

I’m straying off subject again. I really wasn’t intending to do a Picks & Pans segment on children’s programming. Sorry about that. My mind is like a homemade go-cart: it can be loads of fun to play with but it’s extremely hard to steer and it breaks down a lot, and the user has major potential to get very seriously injured.

All I really wanted to say is that I wish you all plenty of peace and joy and hope you all have a happy and safe Christmas. Talk to you again probably on Wednesday.

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