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I’m glad I’m not the only one

April 10, 2008

So I’m doing a Google (gee, that sounds dirty…) for just general dad things earlier today, when I stumble upon this.

You see, as you parents are well aware, your kids have their favorite shows.  Many of these shows are just brutally unwatchable for anyone over the age of about four.  However, on some of them, there are hotties that make the shows a little easier to suffer through- “for the sake of your kids’ learning”.

Yeah, I didn’t buy that either.

But the unavoidable truth is that there are some really fine looking women on children’s television.  As men, we notice that.  One really good thing is that at least all of the women on this list are legal.  Granted, some of them are not real, but they’re at least still “adults”.  At least whoever posted the list {hopefully} isn’t like the freaks that watch Hannah Montana on DVR late at night fondling themselves.  The day after I posted this post, it got close to 500 hits from (and probably generated a lot of disappointment for) pedophiles and/or horny 14-year-olds searching for “Hannah Montana naked” or “Miley Cyrus naked”.  And I continue to get hits from similarly disturbed individuals (and quite possibly some of the same ones) to this day.

Anyway, allow me to review and critique their choices of the Top 7 Babes in Children’s Television.

I have to agree that Genevieve Goings from the Choo Choo Soul vignettes (or mini-shows or videos or whatever those things are) between the “main” shows on Playhouse Disney is absolutely gor-juss!  Beautiful, great voice, and she speaks Spanish.  (Frequent visitors will likely recall my penchant for women that speak Spanish.)  Plus, her show is only about 4-5 minutes long, which makes it easy to watch.  And it’s something you can actually tolerate longer than 7 seconds.  Heck, it’s actually enjoyable.  I find myself wandering around the compound here singing “Bullet Train” and “All Aboard the Choo Choo Train” all the time.  On the downside, her show is only about 4-5 minutes long.

However, on the flip side of enjoyable comes the show on which you’ll find the list’s number two kids’ show hottie, Lisa Lennox, the girl from the insanely, obnoxiously annoying The Doodlebops (also on Disney Channel).  I can’t stand The Doodlebops.  I know, I know, it’s for kids, kids love it, blah blah blah, but holy crap is it irritating.  However, Lisa has a very good singing voice (though the vibrato in her voice does get a little over the top at times), and there are worse shows.  Not many, but there are.

I always forget that we even have the PBS Sprout channel somewhere on the list of 739 crappy channels we receive (of which we only watch about six), so I’ve never seen this Michelle Lepe mujer (another Latina…).  I did see the YouTube video of the woman Michelle replaced- Melanie Martinez, I think was her name- and if that is indeed her (and I’m not completely convinced it is) I can kinda see why PBS fired her.  I’m a firm believer in not letting your kids watch their TV heroes in not-for-children roles (i.e. when everyone got bent out of shape when Steve from Blue’s Clues appeared on Law & Order as a junkie or whatever it was), but that’s a little much.  Again, if it was really her.  Anyway, I- um, I mean, my kids- may have to watch PBS Sprout’s Good Night Show a little more often.

And regarding Alison Bartlett O’Reilly, the “vet” from Sesame Street, I’ve never seen her because I don’t usually watch Sesame Street with the kids, because it’s nothing even resembling what I watched when I was a kid.  I realize things change with the times, but it’s disturbing seeing Muppets rap and dance hip-hop.  I still think of the old school Street when Stevie Wonder sang “Superstition”.  And it ROCKED, even to the little kid that I was.  Now it’s nothing more than 35 minutes of lame, 21st-century-ized ripoffs imitations of the things they used to show on the Street back in the day, and then it turns into 20 minutes of The Elmo Show.  I really despise Elmo.  I used to like him, if for no other reason than because he’s a Muppet, but I can’t take him anymore.  That’s partially due to all the friggin’ singing and dancing Elmo toys my relatives and in-laws have given my kids over the years.  Elmo’s right up there with Barney on the list of all-time most irritating super mega evil kids’ show characters and corresponding theme songs.  But I digress…

Personally, I always liked Maria (Sonia Manzano) and Linda (Linda Bove) from the old Street.  But that’s just me. Heck, Maria’s still a resident of Sesame Street, and nearly 40 years later is pushing 60 and STILL smokin’ hot.  And she’s Latina… and sings…

As for Laurie Berkner, she sort of falls into the moderately obnoxious category in my book.  Dawn loves her songs, and Ian liked listening to them a couple years back, as I’m sure Adam likely will, but she doesn’t really do much for me.  Apparently, as some commenters on the list’s blog pointed out, she seems to be a… um… healthy… woman and I guess she jumps around a lot when she sings, thus making her enjoyable for the dads out there in TV land.  Haven’t seen enough of her on TV to know that little tidbit firsthand… anyway, I do like her voice; I just can’t endure her songs as long as Dawn can.

However, I do kinda have to give a Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot (“WTF?!”) label to the list’s choices of Wendy from Bob the Builder and Kim Possible.  Not even taking into account the fact that they’re calling cartoon characters “hot” in the first place, the least they could have done is to have chosen actually “hot” cartoon characters, like Jessica Rabbit, Betty Cooper from The Archies, or Daphne from the old-school Scooby Doo cartoons (from the late 60’s-early 70’s).  Oh, and of course, Ann-Margrock from The Flintstones.  I mean, jeeez.  But again, I digress.

I’d like to add a couple of my own kids’ show hotties, if I may.  No sense in keeping this post from becoming completely weird, now is there?  Actually, to be fair, the ones I’m adding are more “tweener” show hotties than kids’ show hotties, but that’s pretty much splitting hairs at this point.

Alyson Michalka.  Get off my back, folks- she’s legal.  She was cute as a button on Disney’s Phil of the Future, and I find it hot that she’s a pop singer.  And even hotter that she’s legal.  Gotta love a girl that plays guitar and sings.  Oh, and she’s legal.

Tia and Tamera Mowry.  Yeah, they’ve pretty much only ever played twin sisters- not a big stretch for twin sisters- but they are damn cute.  And they’re damn legal.  Hell, they’re practically geriatric, in Disney star terms:  they’re turning 30 this year.  I don’t know if they sing or speak Spanish, but they’re cute.  And legal.

Maria Canals-Barrera.  She plays Theresa, the mom on Disney’s Wizards of Waverly Place.  Haven’t seen her in anything prior.  Doesn’t matter.  Mega, MEGA {Latina} hottie.

Kim Rhodes.  Plays Carey, Zack and Cody’s mom on… wait for it… The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.  Can you tell we have the Disney Channel on a LOT in my house!?  Anyhooze, another great singer, great dancer, and great hottie.  And for what it’s worth, I actually have seen her somewhere besides Suite Life.  I saw her on one of the C.S.I. episodes in which she appeared.  Again, for what it’s worth.  Which probably isn’t much.

I’m sure I have probably forgotten some- maybe I can do a Top Kids’ Show Hotties II list sometime.  Besides, I could have gone on forever, and brought up all-time kids’ show hotties (and there have been more than you’d think), but I didn’t want to let this post get TOO long.

Ooooh, gotta go.  Wizards of Waverly Place and Suite Life are coming on shortly.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 10, 2008 5:50 pm

    Dude, Nina from “Good Night Show” is smoking hot. I’m always glad to watch that show.

    I mostly agree with that list, except for Gina from Tha Street and Laurie Berkner. Calling them hot is a stretch.

  2. Johann permalink
    April 10, 2008 5:56 pm

    Kinda what I was thinking as well. Remember, not my list.

    But thanks for the recommendation for “Good Night Show”.

  3. April 14, 2008 8:15 am

    I loved this post. I’m going to have my hubby read it and see what he thinks.

  4. Johann permalink
    April 14, 2008 7:04 pm

    😀 😀 😀 😀

    Thank you kindly, my dear!

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