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My water-container archive

June 29, 2012

A few years ago, a movie called “The Bucket List” was released. I’d never really heard (or at least not paid attention to) the term much before that, but now it seems everybody talks about their bucket lists. In case you’re unclear, a bucket list is a list of things you want to accomplish before you die. Naturally, everyone’s list will be different, and naturally, there are some things that will be on many people’s lists.

I’ve never really touched on bucket lists before, and I am in dire need of getting posts back out there, so I thought I’d present mine. I’ve divided it into to sections: realistic and nonrealistic. ‘Realistic’ are things I’d like to do that I actually have a snowball’s chance in the Midwest in summer (109˚ here yesterday) to accomplish. ‘Nonrealistic’ are the things that will never happen. Just read; you’ll get what I mean.



  • Visit all 50 states. Sure, there are places around the globe I’d love to see: Australia, the Orient, the U.K., just to name three. But there are way too many places and things in America I haven’t seen. I’ve never seen the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls. I’ve never been to New Orleans. Never been to the Pacific Northwest. Idaho. Hawaii. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Alaska. Baltimore. Montana. Anywhere in New England. Cooperstown. The East Coast. Death Valley. The Great Lakes, other than the very southern edge of Lake Michigan for about 20 minutes once. I don’t really have that much of a desire to see either of these three places (beyond being able to check them off the bucket list), but I’ve never been to New York City, Washington, D.C., or Las Vegas. Christ, I’ve never even been to a ballgame at Wrigley Field, and I live three hours and change away from there. I’ve driven through over half the states in the country, but I’ve really only seen about two or three. I need to see all of America before I start concerning myself with traveling the world.
  • Skydive. I look at it this way: I’ll only do it wrong once, and either way, it’ll be checked off the list. I think people that bungee jump are friggin’ morons, but jumping out of a plane seems perfectly rational to me.
  • Attend a function at which the President is speaking/appearing. It can be President Obama, but it doesn’t have to be. Regardless of who the person in the office is, regardless of whether you agree with their policies, there’s no way in hell I’d pass up a chance- and I mean a realistic chance ($10,000/plate dinners that are “open to the public” aren’t realistic)- to see the President, especially if it were to actually meet the President and/or First Lady. What a colossal honor that would be. Again- doesn’t matter who it is. I didn’t vote for him, but if I had the opportunity to see President and Mrs. Obama, you bet your ass I’d go. I don’t agree with everything for which they stand, and I take some issue with some things with regard to his presidency, but I do respect the hell out of President and [perhaps more so] Mrs. Obama. (Pretty sure I’d be more excited to meet her. Just saying.) Don’t have to like the man, but you need to at least respect the office. Just my opinion.
  • Run a marathon. I started running about a year or so ago. I have done a couple 5Ks (and I run in another in a week from tomorrow), an accomplishment for which I’m very proud of myself, but I still can’t finish one without walking part of it. That is my immediate goal, to run a 5K without walking. But long-term, I would just friggin’ LOVE to run a marathon. Don’t care if I finish dead last, don’t care if I get passed by pregnant women, four-year-olds, or double amputees who “run” using only their arms. I’m not interested in times or paces. I simply want to run a marathon and finish it. Any race I finish, I’ve won.
  • Learn to shoot well. Anything and everything- handgun, rifle, even bow and arrow. It’d just be bad-ass to be an expert marksman.
  • Get a pilot’s license. Knowing I could be the character in the movie that knows how to fly, lands the ailing jet, and saves all 237 people on board would be cool. Or just being able to fly a plane and/or helicopter would be perfectly acceptable too.
  • Attend at least one MLB All-Star game, World Series game, Super Bowl, and NCAA Final Four. The first three, they pretty much go without saying. That last one, I’m not even that “into” basketball any more, but to be able to see it live would be something.
  • Learn to play [at least] the piano. Well. And to sing. Well. I’m currently taking piano lessons, so I’m working on that first part. Singing is kind of like cooking. Yes, I have the capability to do it, but it doesn’t mean I can do it well. I’d give my left testicle to be able to sing well. Not that cheesy, forced-vibrato, fake “Broadway” voice that too many people have, either. Just to be able to carry a tune in a natural singing voice and, heaven forbid, have someone [besides me] enjoy listening to it.
  • Learn to cook. As I said above, I CAN physically cook. I just suck like a hooker during shore leave at it. I so envy those people that can take a rutabaga, a Cheerio, a sprig of rosemary, and a pig snout and turn it into a four-course meal for six.
  • Go on a whale watching cruise. Um, it’s whale watching. Duh.
  • Become a better photographer and do one of those 365-day photo project things. Yeah, I can take reasonably decent pictures. But I’m not happy with that. I want to take outstanding pictures.
  • Learn to drive a motorcycle, get my motorcycle license, and then get a Harley. ‘Nuff said. And yes, I’m almost 45 years old, well over half my life has passed, and I still can’t drive a motorcycle. Hence why I want to learn.
  • Volunteer with my sons at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. My boys need to learn about humility, about doing things for people without expectation of anything in return, and especially about being thankful for what you have. I think handing meals out at a homeless shelter a few times might help start to drive those points home. Actually, I think we all, myself included, could stand to be reminded of these points now and again.
  • Do the ‘Wipeout’ TV show course. I don’t want to be on the show, I just want to do the course. It looks like a friggin’ blast.
  • Learn to dance. Again, no designs on making a living at it, becoming famous, or anything like that. I just want to be able to dance well enough to not look like an uncoordinated white boy trying desperately to look like he can dance. Hell, I can’t even do the Carlton.
  • Try my hand at standup comedy. I’m not even remotely funny, but I’d love to do that just once. And, preferably, be funny if for just those few minutes.
  • Become SCUBA-certified. This one is pretty much a no-brainer. It’s SCUBA diving. What’s more awesome? Um, nothing. And consequently…
  • Swim with dolphins, sharks, and stingrays. Again, no-brainer.
  • Keep adding to this list. So I have numerous, rather lofty goals. No big whoop. If you have nothing to which to aspire, you’ll have only regrets when you expire. Oh, shut up. I just made that up just now. It rhymes. Bite me, wise ass. You get my meaning. You should always have a goal to chase. Just make it realistically attainable. Not like these below.


  • Figure out why in the hell so many of you people get off on talking politics so much. I will never understand how so many people get such a hard-on when talking politics. The entire industry is corrupt. Everyone, and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E, that works in that industry is corrupt. “GASP!! Not [insert name here]!”, you say. Yes, the guy or gal you support and voted for is corrupt too. They ALL are. Some are just better at hiding it and/or being deceiving about it. Plus, pretty much all of the political discussions I’ve seen in the last, say, 15 years, or easily since President Obama ran and was elected, are just hateful. Many of you people, on BOTH sides o’ the political fence, are some mean, nasty, angry, hateful, self-righteous, spiteful mafukkas. And hypocrites! Holy shit, the hypocrisy in political discussions- and politics in general- is staggering. Hey, don’t get me wrong- I’m all for having CONSTRUCTIVE discussions between people of differing viewpoints, but holy crap on a cracker, people. Do you have to be so fucking vicious about it? If you consider yourself “into” politics at all, then I’m talking to you. Don’t look at the guy with the opposing viewpoint; both of you are at fault. Chill the hell out about the politics, will ya?!
  • Witness TRUE, across-the-board equality. That’s nothing but a pipe dream. It will, unfortunately, never happen, certainly not within MY lifetime. But it’s still something worth striving for.
  • To stop being such a pussy and to truly, GENUINELY, stop worrying about what people think of me. Folks, every one of us gives a damn about what SOMEONE thinks of us. You can say “I don’t care what ANYONE thinks!” all you want, but at the end of the day, you DO give a shit what someone thinks. It’s human nature. Ultimately, we ALL seek acceptance, approval, and validation. I’ve said some stuff on here, Facebook, Twitter, and even in real life that I’ve wound up regretting because it hurt someone’s feelings or pissed someone off, but you’d be surprised at some of the things I haven’t said simply because I actually don’t like offending or upsetting people. It’s inevitable, and usually it happens before I ever realize it happened, but when it boils down to it, I don’t like it and it makes me feel like shit, so often I just let my comments go by and concede the argument, discussion, or whatever the situation is.
And note I didn’t add ridiculous stuff most men my age would add, like “Have a threesome”. Even if I would have added that, it’d have to be under “Unrealistic”. First of all, my wife would never agree to it in a million lifetimes and, even if she would, I doubt she’d let me pick the other woman. Secondly, I never understood that whole threesome concept. It’s like, oh, great- I get to disappoint TWO women simultaneously? Wow, where do I sign up?! (I mean, if given the opportunity, I’d do it- come on, I’m not stupid- but I can’t say it’s something I must do before I die.)

What are some things on YOUR bucket list?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. plking permalink
    June 30, 2012 7:45 am

    your bucket list is like more exicitng than what I did last week or this week. I was at the the sppech by President Bush, saw Senator John Kenedy in a motorade thru downtown Springfield, and saw President Johnson when they let us out of school to go to the old county courthouse. menory refresher thanks

  2. May 9, 2013 1:38 pm

    your list is very refreshing! and very do able. I can say that two of the items can be done with a lot of practice and trial and error and a bit of help from your friend. ( that would be me). I so want to start running but am afraid at my advanced age ( cough cough) that I would hurt myself. Any tips for an out of shape, over weight, getting up in age mom?

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